Live to eat or eat to live?

So, do we live to eat or do we eat to live?
Honestly, I would side with live to eat. To me, it means that what we eat are divine foods. If we were to eat to live, we would not need much - some grains here and there, some wild vegetables, and rarely some form of animal meat and fat. Blah.

Obviously, my preference is known as the indulgent and usually "bad" diet. And we are what we eat. My blood test results are exemplary of the result of eating what I love most of the time. At 25 years old, my HDL (good high density cholesterol) are 40mg/dL - 6mg/dL under the minimum range. HDL is the one we want to be higher - think H for higher. My triglycerides are shockingly at 181mg/dL! If you know the ranges, I'm in the higher end of borderline HIGH. My LDL (low density cholesterol) are 118mg/dL (<130mg/dL is good). My total cholesterol is 194mg/dL (<200mg/dL is good).

As you can see, my triglycerides are terrible. Triglycerides - a type of fat that comes from the foods we eat and stored over consumption of calories in the blood.

It's abnormal to have cholesterol problems at my age. I'm glad I had my blood tested, because, honestly, I had a feeling that my cholesterol and blood sugar are not great.

I'm not obesed. I'm borderline normal - overweight. I don't smoke and I rarely drink OH. I'm a student, so stress can be expected. I live a sedentary - mild exercise lifestyle.

No excuses. To decrease my bad cholesterols and decrease my chances of heart disease/obesity/diabetes/stroke etc, I must change my diet and exercise regularly.

Easy to say, hard to do.

Diet - cut out processed sugar, chocolate, soda, and limit carbohydrates, STEAK, and butter.
Increase - vegetables, low sugar fruits, fiber, and fish.
Exercise - I do follow a yoga and treadmill walking regime during school breaks, but I should enforce a similar plan during school.

So, I'm choosing to eat to live. I guess, many people will argue that the food we eat to live taste better.

Life and Death

Last night, I received bad news. A little girl passed away at age eight. She was born with a genetic disease that causes her all her organs to slowly fail. She was blind at an early age and was confined to her bed with needles stuck in her little arms. She died when her lungs ultimately stopped functioning. Of course, it was a tough choice for her parent to take her off the ventilator and start the morphine. Death was all there was from the beginning.

A horrible news that led me wonder what was life to her. Was she ever aware of her self, as a human being, on this planet? Did she ever comprehend what was going on with her body and surroundings? Or was it like what my other friend said - was it animal instincts?

Life.

What is the point in life, if you never know your purpose.

Death.

What is the point in life, if you are going to die one day.

Etiquette

I'm in the midst of studying for my nursing finals, but I just have to type this post before I forget.

Etiquette is a tricky thing. It applies in many settings - social, home, work, travel, etc. Every culture has its own etiquette, even every family or person has its own rules of etiquette.

Why have I brought this up? Several things happened over the last week that has made me realize that it is nearly impossible to display good etiquette and expect the same standards from others.

We were at a friends wedding banquet and two incidences happened that just left my jaw hanging. I must state clearly, that the two things I'll explain applies mainly to the Chinese culture.
Number one - Chinese restaurants are often round tables with a turning plate because we like to order big dishes and share food around the table. So, here are some rules that I learned growing up:
1. never spin the center when someone else is taking food
2. never take food when someone is spinning the center
3. do not pick around the dish to find what you want - take what's closest to you.
there are more, but mainly number 2 and 3 happened and ticked me off. I was spinning (must spin plate of food in front of you to take from it, do not attempt to reach across the table - another rule) to get to the lobster plate - all of a sudden, one guest two spots from me, reached out to spoon TWO pieces of nicely cut edible lobster onto his plate. As the person spinning, I paused my spin as he took the food. Which would've been fine if the person apologized or said thank you. So, this person took food while I was spinning, did not excuse himself, and took two last edible pieces.
I think all the rules I mentioned go for many cultures. I mean who on earth would take all the food without offering to others first. I'm starting to vent again. Just the thought of what happened makes me shudder and irritated (I'm easily aggravated...)

Moving on...

This one I heard from my sister...
At Chinese weddings, we gift money not stuff (haha). Usually there's a socially known amount to give, but it's always understandable if someone has financial troubles that the gift may be smaller or none at all.
There are just some % of people in this world who has such thick skin to show up empty handed and actually boast about it?
Honestly? What goes on in people's minds sometimes amazes me.

I know it's wrong to judge and gossiping is vile, but hey, it's probably happening inside every home, over emails, phone calls, and lunch dates. So, I find nothing wrong putting out what I call "topics" to discuss. It's more like a learning experience, so don't take it personally.

School Update

Just taking some time out from studying to write this quick update on nursing school.
It's Week 12 already! Can you believe it? I've been in school for 12 weeks already. I sure am counting down to Week 16 - Final Exam.

I have to say that I am not a fan of semesters. Sixteen weeks of school is just too much and I'm starting to understand the meaning of "burning out". Classes, clinicals, and reading are just so tedious now. Even thinking about it makes me shudder.

The most stressful thing is going to clinicals, especially at 7am. We are at the hospital for 8 hours looking after one patient we picked out. This is our third week at this hospital. It was sure a stressful switch from the nursing home we were at before. I do worry a lot and make up scenarios of what I think might happen which is stressful. I definitely have to change that habit and focus on getting readings done instead.

Well, I'm guessing the next time I post will be after finals...
Time flies but looking back, it's been a long time!

I don't know.

I really dislike the phrase "I don't know."

When someone answers "I don't know" I always feel confused and frustrated. There isn't really much that I ask that you won't know. I am talking about questions on everyday activity and your opinions on everyday life. I'm not asking you a minute fact on a particular subject that only a few would know. So, I never understand why people answer "I don't know." 

To me, that phrase tells me - 1) the person doesn't care to think, 2) the person is avoiding my question, 3) the person is hiding something, or 4) the person really has no idea. 

#4 is usually unlikely because there is always something there... 

Instead of "I don't know", there's always phrases like "I'm not sure right now, let me think/check regarding the matter", "It's slipped my mind", "I haven't planned anything yet but I'm open to suggestions", "I'm really not interested", etc. 

You can even ask them a question - "What do you suggest?" if you really DON'T KNOW. 

You get the point, be specific when you answer questions. Even if you must say "I don't know" follow up with another sentence like "let me think about it" or "I might be free/busy". Don't just leave it at "I don't know" because for the other person it could mean a billion of things. 

Miscommunications are always the reason for arguments and frustrations. 

We can avoid misunderstandings if we are clear and precise when we speak. 

Update!!!

It's Thursday morning before I have to leave for school. So, it means that I've been in my RN program for exactly one week and 2 days and in between, I went to Las Vegas for the Labor Day weekend. It's sure been hectic. The first week of school felt extremely long because of a new schedule and classes, or maybe because I was looking forward to Vegas. Vegas felt like it came and poof it was time for reality again, as usual. Vegas trip was not a good idea because now I have a mountain of work to do! I'm not really behind but I'm not ahead like I should be.

I've met some really great people in school and everyone is really friendly and nice. I mean, I guess they are since we are going to be nurses, right? There are always some people who are just not going to be your next best friend though, you know what I mean?

We've already learned how to wash our hands properly and take vital signs. I'm really excited about lab and clinical but not so much the seminar where we have to make a 50 minute presentation - even though it's just to 10 people, I'm still feeling nervous about that. I really have to think positively and not let it get to me too much.

Alright, better get back to studying.

Life at 25

I've been 25 years old for approximately 11 days now. Thursday was my last day at Alpha Acupuncture & Herbs where I've been a receptionist for almost a year. I'm starting nursing school this coming Monday. I've already spent over $1000 on school supplies, requirements, etc. I'm super excited and also nervous because I heard the program is rigorous and I'm known to be a last minute slower learner. But, I can't wait to start clinical so I can start using my stethoscopes (I bought one and received one for my bday).

This post is super boring.

I've been watching some YouTube videos on room organization and came across two spectacular rooms. One is the maybabytumbler's room in Germany. She has a sauna inside her closet!? The other is thestyleblog's room in the U.S. Sara's room is enormous with great living and working space!
Currently, my room is rather modest in size as it's suppose to be a study. It's awkwardly oblong with a slide door that leads to the backyard. There's really not much options as to where my bed can go. So, I've been cleaning up these few days by organizing boxes and junks into my closet (which is rather well constructed with storage space). I've also bought some 3M Command hooks to hang up my bags, belts, and cleverly I put one hook on the inside of the closet slide door and hung my Burberry coat so it wouldn't be all wrinkly. My room is still undone because I have the oddest furniture. Most of them are from IKEA which is fine but they do not compliment each other...

Strange thing the mind is ... how did I start with a title "Life at 25" to discussing my room...

Maybe this is life at 25 - fickle.

Job hopping, Career hopping

Yes, the title says it all. I have a short history of job and career hopping. Not that I've ever held many positions, but it's more idealistic. My jobs have ranged from waitress, barista, and office receptionists to an admin clerk at the U.S Census Bureau and a product development assistant at a company that produces mainly NIKE clothes. All of these jobs have no direct relation to any future or career goals that I've ever dreamed. Career goals have mainly been in the medical field plus advertising and product packaging. I'm quite practical but also day dream a lot. I chose the medical field because of practicality. I desire the art field because it just seems so fun and interesting. I really should've gone into journalism or something but my poor social studies and english grades in high school really steered me away from anything that has to do with writing. Not to mention, I'm quite shy and can not speak publicly without stammering and turning red. I'm just a modest person who's not comfortable standing in the limelight, even when I excel.

Here's the deal: I am starting nursing school at the end of August at Pasadena City College. It's a two year program and I'll get my ADN and sit for the RN license. Funny thing is, I have two Bachelors and I am turning 25 in a few weeks. I guess age is not that big of a deal today, but to me it is. I can only hope this is something I can stick with. I guess I'm doing this also because I was accepted? My most recent goal was to apply to OT grad school for next Fall. Well, I've taken my GRE but haven't done much volunteering. I applied to the RN program early this year just to see if I'd get in and as a back-up.

So, do I use this back-up and forget about OT all at once? Maybe after ADN, I'll hop back into OT. OT was a really recent decision too. Last year, I was still going on about optometry school and sociology grad school. Somethings just seem too far-fetched. I guess, taking it one step at a time is probably a better idea than standing still.


Watch this space for future rants on nursing school.

Dude, get over yourself and lose the attitude.

I think the title already says it all.

Sometimes, things happen and people say things to you that you might not like. No need to pull a face and get angry. Get over yourself. Better yet, think about how you are feeling is actually how someone else feels when you treat them that way too.

It was only a stupid stove and a stupid joke and you can't even handle that?

Important message. I am so embarrassed to actually post this message but other people might find it refreshing.

The message is to wash your hands frequently especially before meals and in heavily populated places. I know this is so mundane and I do wash my hands!!!! Unfortunately I am not a frequent hand washer especially one before meals. I do not have OCD and I do not really see germs as so deathly. So unless my hands feel extremely dirty, I don't wash my hands before eating. My horribly gross habits. Sorry. So last weekend I went to las Vegas and ate a ton of crab legs and I got sick. Baffled at first but after I gave it some thoughts, my conclusion is my lack of handwashing before using my hands to eat crab meat.
Ok enough if this post. Sry for grossing you out.

Sent from my iPhone

Stay positive

Quick post from my phone. I'm on my bed but I really want to do a quick update.

Just started officially volunteering at a center for kids to observe OT on Wednesday. It didn't go as well as hoped. Usual quiet me felt uncomfortable and lost in new places. Much rather blend in with the walls and not get noticed. Must work on this and improve social skills in foreign settings to make self memorable. Ok this is like a note to self post. Well I was nervous and excited. But I guess it's time to really take initiation to get what I want.

Well one more news. I applied to the nursing program at PCC in feb. Today I received an email that I am chosen as an alternate. Meaning that I may still have a chance to be accepted. That all depends on how many people drop out and how many people are on the waiting list with me.
Perhaps this is a positive sign.

Sent from my iPhone

Fickle

I must seem fickle to people. I do admit I have short bursts of passion for particular things like music, movies, and hobbies. Who doesn't, right?
Yet, I don't see myself as fickle in important matters like life. Oh, who am I kidding... I am fickle, or else I would not be still trying to figure out my life at this age.
Let's just put it this way, I like to keep my options open and have back up plans. So, when something doesn't work out or I see no future in it, obviously I'm not going to keep on doing it. This makes me practical and realistic.
Finally, being fickle or capricious doesn't make me a quitter.

What should I do?

The writing portion of my GRE results came back last week. Sadly, I only scored 3.5! Last time I managed a 4. Well, I'm disappointed but I have to admit that I didn't really put in a lot of effort to study the essays. So, I got what I deserved.

Now my new dilemma is whether to take it again or not. Most people are telling me not to. My score is not too bad, so maybe it'll still be fine. But, do I not owe it to myself to get a better score to my true abilities? Maybe.

I need a better writing score that's for sure!

misunderstanding

Major corrections to make on the previous post... it's a 1250 I need to get an iPad. Also, I got 1100 last time on my GRE not 1050, only because I got 410 on verbal which is terribly low to tell here...

Isn't it nice to clear things up?

Unfortunately, no iPad for me. I scored 1230 today... I missed just by 20 points so now I feel extremely angry at myself. Not that I really wanted an iPad because I have no use of it... but I was so close! I know I did worse than what I could've on the math portion. So I'm going to rankle over stupid mistakes for the next few days...

Sigh !!!!!! I got what I deserved :(

I'm still here...

I am so behind on writing for this blog but I have a legitimate reason - taking the GRE (again) on Friday! Coincidentally, this friday is Good Friday! As a lazy Catholic, I did not realize this when I applied for the exam in February. When I found out, I thought, Hurray! Good Friday! The day will be a good day! Alas, my friend said, "Oh, you will suffer like Jesus." Well, yes, thanks for reminding me that is actually a bad day. Ironically, I probably will be suffering as I feel so unprepared today.

My bf suggested last week that if I am able to get a combined score of 1200 (HA!), he will reward me an ipad2 all for myself. Obviously, he is very generous and wants to motivate me. So for the past week, every time I study, I think: iPad, iPad, iPad. I don't know whether this helps or hinders my studying...
Or, perhaps, he already knows that it's an impossible score for me to reach. Last time I took it, I scored 1050 (can't believe I wrote it out here...) Discomfiting (is that a real word?), but really, what are the odds that I will raise my score by 200 points with my procrastination and poor study skills.

We shall see...
If I boast about my iPad in the next blog, you shall congratulate me also :D

NF

Today in class we watched a dated Dateline show on the disease NF - neurofibromatosis. The interview was on a 70 something year old lady who has NF and talks to first year med students at Harvard and MIT (she's been doing it for 15 years since that show). So, the interview was mainly the talk she did that year at Harvard. It shows a large lecture hall fill up with first year med students and she (sorry I forgot her name) was introduced to the class. People at the back at first could not see clearly of her disease. Btw, look up NF on wikipedia for a photo and explanation. She passed around a photo of herself when she was just 20 years old (late 1930s). She was a pulchritude - just like a movie star today. She said that she was diagnosed as a child and in her high school years she met a boy and fell madly in love. The boy's mother however called on her mother to tell her not to accept his date requests. Unfortunately, he left for service and she went off to college. She said that she was engaged for a bit after college but eventually never wedded. The interviewer asked her a question (I can't remember exact words but something about the best thing about having NF). Her reply was that  a boy at the hospital where she worked once was playing by himself, and she approached him and said what are you doing? He replied,  "I'm watering my garden." Then he said, "What's that on your face?" She replied, "Well, something went wrong when I was made and this is how I look." He said, "I like your face." This definitely touched her heart because she countered it with a devastating example afterwards where two children were tormented just by looking at her and they ran and cried. Extremely hurtful as you can imagine it.

So why was (or is) Harvard and MIT showing this lady to the class? Simply because in the medical field or actually everyday life, we often come across people who has some sort of deformity or disease, or just look different. Most of us do not have to have direct contact with them but definitely medical people will. So, how will you react if you met this lady today with NF? How should you react? Definitely not by staring and pointing or looking away when she realizes you've been staring. We have to learn to as medical professions or just everyday citizens to be able to look people in the eye and not to display any dismay or frightened emotions. This is just something horrible someone is going through and we do not need to make it anymore obvious or imbroglio.

By the way, the lady strips to the waist at the end of the lecture for show and tell. One young man thought this was very unethical to do so in a large lecture hall but as the patient wishes to do so, the professors/doctors must abide.

Finally, I want to mention a similar but less dramatic experience. One day during my last college year, I went to lunch with my bf and some friends. It was one of those Asian food court places where you buy your lunch and sit in the cafeteria style seatings. We got our food and picked a table. There were many empty ones around us. About 10 minutes later, 3 people sat at the table next to us. Two of the guys were mentally disabled and the other one was probably their guardian for the day who went off to pick up utensils. Obviously, they were fidgety, loud, and a little messy. I noticed my friend eyeing my bf and other friend if we should move tables. At that point, I really felt anger towards my friend because he was suggesting that we should move tables because of the two mentally disabled guys. Somehow, he must have felt unsafe or unsanitary to eat next to them. Really? Are you going to move now that you've already started eating and they just sat down? How blatant do you need to be? That's what I really wanted to ask him right there. But I didn't... I just said, I'm fine where I am. To this day, that scene is clear in my mind. I don't want to sit here and point fingers or anything but most of us there that day were hoping to become a profession in the medical field. I sure hope my friend who will begin osteopathic school (to become a D.O) this fall will not react the same way in the future.

Oh my, time flies

Oh what a coincident! Exactly one month from my last post. No wonder I've been having a feeling that I've forgotten to do something ... I guess this is it.
So what will today's post be on? Let's use the whole UCLA white girl rant on Asians in the library. At this exact moment, I'm im-ing my friend and we are having a nice long chat on the future of the world - well we started it at that but now we are talking about racism... oh because I mentioned the UCLA girl (she's in Taiwan right now so she didn't know about it). Anyways, I'm going to be super lazy and just copy some of what I wrote to her...

 me:  like i think this country is trying so hard to cover up racism and pretend that everything is fine and ppl of different color can live together... but deep down I think the real white ppl are really racists . and they are afraid that if they don't cover that we will fight them

yah well u know why is it ok for white ppl to be racists but not color ppl ... so if she's gonna be racists, she sure should have thought that ppl might get angry at her and harass her

 me:  lol yah it's funny how we are racists in our own race... like mainland china and hk ppl  but we fight to be liked by other race esp white ppl ... when we can't get along with our own ppl how can we expect to be accepted by other kinds

  Ying:  face the truth, most people are racist in one way or another.

 me:  yah

i'm racists too... i can't help it

so i don't pretend there is none

 Ying:  me too.

Please excuse the IM language. I would never type like that on a blog post but laziness wins here... 

OK so I just wrote some really racists comments but they are my personal comments. 

This isn't meant for anyone in particular so no one should take umbrage at my post because it's just what's in my head onto my blog...

Play

I just watched a great speech on doing what you love for a living by Janet Hsieh on Ted x Taipei. (Youtube to watch!) Janet graduated from MIT in Spanish with dreams of becoming a doctor but in heart she's passionate about traveling. After college, she went to Taiwan where her heritage is and was given the opportunity to work as a model. It was a tough decision to make because she was getting ready to go back to the States for grad school. In the end, she took on this new challenge and stayed in Taiwan. After going through some up and downs she was about to go back to the States, someone introduced her to another opportunity to audition for a tv show host. She was offered the role and was faced with another decision to make. In the end, she took the job because as a tv host that traveled around was perfect. She could have her dream to travel and be paid for it. It was important to follow her dream even though she originally had planned to study to be a doctor. Well, she followed her dream because like modeling which was a once in a life time experience for her at that age, she could always go back to studying later.

So, what she wanted us to know was that "you can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." She concluded that passion is vital in life and it is possible to make a living out of play but just be passionate.

After watching her speech, of course I accede to the fact that play can become a living. Yet, I know most people don't get to develop their dreams or passions simply because of life. To get through life everyday requires certain commodities and not everyone is blessed enough to not have to worry about the next meal, clothes, and a roof. So no, sometimes we can't just play all day long because we need to survive. Or sometimes we just don't have the right guidance or opportunities. Some people might disagree and say that those who don't succeed or whatever are just lazy bums but I strongly disagree. Before I get side tracked I better end this post on the topic of "play". So, if you have the chance to play, play! If you don't, make the most of what you have and still be thankful. If you have a passion but no time, don't make excuses but make time. There is always a little time in a week for you to do something you like. So Janet is right, passion is vital in life but I have to add that sometimes is luck and fate that determines whether you can play in life too.

The question is, what are you passionate about? (This is where I am stuck.)

P.S - Definitely watch her if you understand mandarin, she throws a little of her language mistakes in and they are pretty funny and cute.

Racism, Prejudice, Discrimination

I should probably title this in alphabetical order but whatever. Although each word has distinct definitions - which I won't be going into, that's what a dictionary is for, they almost literally mean the same to me because I've experienced all three and my reaction and feelings are the same.

Being a Chinese born in Hong Kong, raised in New Zealand, and now living in the U.S, I've never really felt that I've fit in anywhere. I can speak quite fluently in Chinese and English, so there are no communication problems here. It might be a personal thing that sometimes I feel discrimination by the public or it might have been real. So, there's really no need to discuss whether I was discriminated by race or what not. I can't help notice that it has occured throughout my life and for the early part, I thought it was a natural thing. For example, in school, children can be racist without meaning to be harmful. That's understandable. But as a child, I didn't really realize that I was so different to my white friends but sometimes they would call me names. That never bothered me much. As I grew older, my circle of friends consisted mainly of other Asians and International students. I guess as we grow older, I realized ethnicity and race more and kind of drifted apart from my previous peers.

When I came to the U.S, we settled in San Gabriel - a heavily Chinese and Latino populated city because all the kids in high school I saw were either Asian or Lation/Hispanic (another story to tell on those terms). My chinese improved greatly because my peers were FOBs as most people would call them. There's no discrimination or racism or prejudice when you are chinese living in a heavily populated city and speaking chinese. Well, not until you go to a "whiter" city, and the waitress, check out person, etc treats you differently. What I mean by treating you differently is when they purposedly slows down their speech and looks at you with questioning eyes. What else might I mean is when they are rude to you but not the white customer in front. Maybe that's all just what I feel and it's all in my head but I noticed it.

I shouldn't use the word "white" so much but since a little kid, I understood white, yellow, brown, and black. Caucasians was not in my vocabularly. I just use the word white to depict anyone who's not asian or brown or black. (Sorry if this is offending anyone... feel free to correct and teach me better words).

So as I grow older I realize what I am and where I am. I don't fit in. I think a lot of people like me don't fit in but some don't care or worry while some do. I don't really fit in when I'm back in Asia, although, I know the language but customs are always changing and it's hard to keep up.

It's funny though, off topic a little, how the forms in the U.S (and other countries I'm sure) mixes up race and ethnicity together and gives people lots of choices for simple race categories. I think sometimes is easy to get mixed up but these are definitions that we need to clarify and teach to the people properly.

Why this long post on something that has no answer?
I was as Victoria's Secret yesterday and a lady was fitting me for my size. She said I was 38 and the PINK line makes no 38 and my cup was between a C and a B ? That is not far from my current size but a larger size and a smaller cup is what she's telling me? No honey, that's kind of impossible to be. I am not in denial here guys. If Pink runs smaller, my cup should be C or a D not a B stupid because the 36C I'm wearing is a just right and it's from Pink.

I really don't know how that incident can make me come up with this topic.

Missing

Sometimes it really takes some space and time away to realize that you will miss that person or thing. If you always ask someone if him or her misses you and you are in his or her face 24/7 then don't be disappointed to hear a no.

Just give some space.