I should probably title this in alphabetical order but whatever. Although each word has distinct definitions - which I won't be going into, that's what a dictionary is for, they almost literally mean the same to me because I've experienced all three and my reaction and feelings are the same.
Being a Chinese born in Hong Kong, raised in New Zealand, and now living in the U.S, I've never really felt that I've fit in anywhere. I can speak quite fluently in Chinese and English, so there are no communication problems here. It might be a personal thing that sometimes I feel discrimination by the public or it might have been real. So, there's really no need to discuss whether I was discriminated by race or what not. I can't help notice that it has occured throughout my life and for the early part, I thought it was a natural thing. For example, in school, children can be racist without meaning to be harmful. That's understandable. But as a child, I didn't really realize that I was so different to my white friends but sometimes they would call me names. That never bothered me much. As I grew older, my circle of friends consisted mainly of other Asians and International students. I guess as we grow older, I realized ethnicity and race more and kind of drifted apart from my previous peers.
When I came to the U.S, we settled in San Gabriel - a heavily Chinese and Latino populated city because all the kids in high school I saw were either Asian or Lation/Hispanic (another story to tell on those terms). My chinese improved greatly because my peers were FOBs as most people would call them. There's no discrimination or racism or prejudice when you are chinese living in a heavily populated city and speaking chinese. Well, not until you go to a "whiter" city, and the waitress, check out person, etc treats you differently. What I mean by treating you differently is when they purposedly slows down their speech and looks at you with questioning eyes. What else might I mean is when they are rude to you but not the white customer in front. Maybe that's all just what I feel and it's all in my head but I noticed it.
I shouldn't use the word "white" so much but since a little kid, I understood white, yellow, brown, and black. Caucasians was not in my vocabularly. I just use the word white to depict anyone who's not asian or brown or black. (Sorry if this is offending anyone... feel free to correct and teach me better words).
So as I grow older I realize what I am and where I am. I don't fit in. I think a lot of people like me don't fit in but some don't care or worry while some do. I don't really fit in when I'm back in Asia, although, I know the language but customs are always changing and it's hard to keep up.
It's funny though, off topic a little, how the forms in the U.S (and other countries I'm sure) mixes up race and ethnicity together and gives people lots of choices for simple race categories. I think sometimes is easy to get mixed up but these are definitions that we need to clarify and teach to the people properly.
Why this long post on something that has no answer?
I was as Victoria's Secret yesterday and a lady was fitting me for my size. She said I was 38 and the PINK line makes no 38 and my cup was between a C and a B ? That is not far from my current size but a larger size and a smaller cup is what she's telling me? No honey, that's kind of impossible to be. I am not in denial here guys. If Pink runs smaller, my cup should be C or a D not a B stupid because the 36C I'm wearing is a just right and it's from Pink.
I really don't know how that incident can make me come up with this topic.
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